


Guilt

by TheBrokenWriter911



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Also bless Moominmamma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, I made it gay because I had to stay on brand. Be gay! Do crimes!, I'm also sorry Snorkmaiden. I'll treat you better next fic, I'm sorry Moomin, It's almost 2 am for me. Bless my editor, M/M, Panic Attacks, Poetry, Snorkmaiden might be a bit ooc, Springdove, Venting for sure, snufmin, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 22:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19160602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBrokenWriter911/pseuds/TheBrokenWriter911
Summary: Moomintroll breaks up with Snorkmaiden and the aftermath.OrThe author actually has feelings and projects them onto to Moomin.Chapter 2 is a poem





	1. Heartbreak and Guilt

Snorkmaiden had grown distant. It had gotten to one-sided conversations and Moomin knew it wasn't good for his mental health. He decided the best way of letting her know without losing her as his girlfriend was to tell her upfront. So that’s what he did. He invited her to look at the fireflies with him. She accepted the date.

He wasn’t sure how to bring it up at first so he started with the obvious, “You haven’t been talking to me recently.”

“I suppose I haven’t, but I talk to you every day.”

“It would be nice to have multiple conversations a day.” Moomin mumbled and stated bluntly to her, “I just think how you’ve been acting is toxic for me.”

“You’re calling me toxic?”

She looked angry, but he continued, “I understand that at times you don’t want to talk, but that’s not good for me.”

“How can you say you understand, if you are dropping me for it?” She frowned and then went on with a rant, “I come to you with my worries and you just act like it’s nothing. You could at least acknowledge it. I took some time away because I got sick last month and then this month I got aggravated with you. I chose to take some time because I didn’t want to wear myself down against you. You make me feel so alone. When you are there it doesn’t feel like it.”

He went on his own rant, angry at her accusations, “I’m already worn down. You always talk about your problems when we talk and I can’t handle that. I worry all the time, if you honestly knew me, you would know this. So it’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I care too much. You could at least say something and not just ignore me. You’re toxic to me. You’re burning me out and I don’t want you to be someone else I feel guilty about!”

“I want you to really think hard on that.” She scowled and turned to walk away.

As he walked past Snufkin’s tent, he came out and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Moomin wanted to cry, but he didn’t want to seem weak in front of him.

“I’m fine.” He mumbled.

“Did you break up with Snorkmaiden?”

Snufkin always did know him best, but he didn’t say anything and just continued to the Moomin House.

~

He didn’t tell anyone for weeks. Then he was snapping at anyone over the slightest thing. When he was confronted and then left to his thoughts, he panicked. He covered his head with his blanket trying to block out the world. He was hyperventilating and couldn’t stop. 

In out. In out. In out. No. No. No. He was a bad person. His fault. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. They hate. They hate. They hate. How could they not?

He heard music and Moominmamma took him into her arms. Little My stood at the doorway.

“It’s okay. Just breathe. Breathe with me.” She said, taking deep breaths and he tried to as well, but he kept sobbing in the middle of them.

“I went and got Moominmamma. I thought she could help better than I could.”

“Thank you, Little My.”

“Now,” Moominmamma said firmly, “What brought this on?”

“I thought I could handle it.” He sobbed, “She’s no longer my girlfriend and maybe not even my friend.”

“They’ll come and go, but you can’t feel guilty about it.”

“I called her toxic. She had changed over the past few months and I couldn’t handle it.”

“That’s fine, dear. People come and go besides you have better friends like Snufkin, Sniff, and Little My.”

“Yeah, I’m here for you, Moomin.” Little My said, jumping up onto the bed and giving him a hug, which was surprisingly comforting.

“Thank you.” He said softly.

The talked about nonsense for an hour before Moomin was calm enough to sleep.

~

The next day he walked over to Snufkin on the bridge to talk, “Thank you for the music. It really calmed me down.”

“Little My said something was wrong and described a panic attack, so I figured I could give you something familiar.”

After a bit of silence he blurted out, “I broke up with Snorkmaiden. We left on really bad terms. I don’t think she’ll talk to me ever again.”

“Well, you must’ve had good reason.” He paused, “You’re not a confrontational person after all.”

“She said that I didn’t understand because I was dropping her for it.”

“You can understand without being able to handle it.” Snufkin reassured, “It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Moomin repeated it back to himself, “I can understand without being able to handle it. I’m not a bad person.”

“Exactly.” Snufkin smiled.

Moomin sat down next to him and nodded to himself, smiling, “Exactly.”

They sat in comfortable silence and Moomin just thought. He suddenly realized why. Why Snorkmaiden had been so distant. She didn’t say anything to why, but as he sat with Snufkin, hands almost touching, he realized.

“I’m in love with Snufkin.” He shouted in surprise.

Snufkin, who he was in love with, was sitting right next to him. Snufkin’s face had such a deep flush that Moomin was sure that he was about to pass out.

Then he heard softly from him, “I’m in love with Moomin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments appreciated :)
> 
> I swear I can write happy fics with just pure fluff 
> 
> ~ Sky, TheBrokenWriter911


	2. Guilt of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A poem I wrote in the middle of writing the actual story

I didn’t tell anyone.  
It was poison coursing through my veins  
It ached until tears,  
I’m fine.

Was I wrong?  
Was she wrong?  
Was it me or her who was toxic?  
Was it both?

Guilt settled in my lungs  
Breathing was hard.  
Breathing hurt.  
Why am I shaking?  
Why?

It would’ve harmed me more  
Staying  
Then it could  
Leaving

I understand.  
I understand!  
I under-freaking-stand!

I AM NOT A BAD PERSON  
I AM NOT A BAD PERSON  
i am not a bad person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments appreciated
> 
> Guilt is hard to deal with.
> 
> ~ Sky, TheBrokenWriter911

**Author's Note:**

> As always, kudos and comments appreciated :)
> 
> I swear I can write happy fics with just pure fluff 
> 
> ~ Sky, TheBrokenWriter911


End file.
